top of page

Vitreous

​​​​​​

Written by Priscilla Wong

​​​

​​​​

​​​​

​​

​

In the Pacific Ring of Fire surrounded by a Nintendo Sea Monster, an Albino Ethiopian chained to a rock faced an Ire on Adderall. His name was Perseus. Her name wasn't important. The amaranth on her face was all that mattered.

​

Perseus pet Medusa's decapitated head inside his Kibisis. She made an obedient taxidermy specimen. Thank goodness that part was over. This Gorgon, her snake bites were deadlier than her eyes. Her stare doesn't stone as well without the body. Perseus wore a hand full of snake bites from seducing demonic women and goddesses alike. The mortal women liked him as well. The Adderall was the only thing that allowed him safe passage through the Ring of Fire, courtesy of Hades.

 

Pegasus, ever the faithful winged companion, fulfilled his daily tasks, reporting on the stubbornness of the Albino Ethiopian chained to the rock, "Andromeda degrades herself to the level of Nintendo Sea Monster out of Stockholm Syndrome. Only science will save her now. Poor thing."

 

"Alright, how will science save her?" he says.

​

"We can brainwash her misguided sociopath feminist mind."

 

Perseus will couth the living daylights out of Andromeda. He'll teach her that rocks are not the elixir of life, no matter how vitreous the fluorite. Her mind was much too full of ore already, making her impossible. It's genetic. Perseus may need to team up with Nintendo to stone this broad. Her condition is more of a blessing than a curse. Athena gifted them both with the sword and shield. Each had their own winged sandals. Its not fair how Athena did that. Perseus will never forgive her now.

​

"I am your hero and now you will reward me by marrying me and liquidating your assets." Pegasus nodded enthusiastically.

 

"Bad deal. It doesn't get any better than being chained to this rock." Invisible Hermes rushed to her side.

​

"You hermaphrodite!"

 

Perseus hates losing, especially to a woman. "Look at her speak. Smack of deceit." Perseus began to think that he cut the wrong Medusa. Sadly if this were true, Andromeda would have sisters and he'd like her even more.

​

Invisible Hermes leaned into a whisper, "He would say, 'Silence Ethiopian slave.' He doesn't know how Nintendo only wants to use a hero to help him to flip his Honda Civic into a Beamer. Be a good girl and kill the monster now." And so it goes that an invisible hand slaps Nintendo Sea Monster's backside, locks him into his own Honda, and sink the haunchback to the bottom of the ocean, crooked vampire fangs and all. This Albino Ethiopian does it all with her mind. Andromeda is as smug as a man.

 

"That was my target practice. For that you will starve." Perseus became happy. "I certainly hope there's an Equinox inside that rock of yours." With that, he plunged his sword into the new land.

​

"I liked you better before."

​

bottom of page