Botza

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Written by Priscilla Wong

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It appears there lies a fine line between a Mussmuss and a Jackjohn.

 

​And look, there it is, a fine line between a Jailnese and a Caenese.​​

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Dancing in between the eyes. In order to know the difference between these Bucks and Jims, a good girl ought to know their dietary restrictions.​ Between the choice of Botza Ball Soup and the Lebob, most are inclined to choose the Lebob. The sight of fire, is the call of the siren.

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Halal, Jazak Allah Khair.

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Between the choice of Pie Porridge and Snashimi, most would choose Snashimi. My animal instincts like raw meat.

 

Gochisousama.

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The tribes exist like twin scorpions in a jar, sharing the same earth, eyeing each other with ancient suspicion. Their borders blur and sharpen like mirages in heat, each claiming what the other holds dear. Blood and principal run deep, here - ask any passerby which side carries more sin, and they'll give you an answer colored by whichever word reached their ears first. The land's resources lie between them like a carcass, and both argue they alone can make proper use of the spoils. A dance as old as time - the strong and hungry circling each other, neither willing to show weakness, neither willing to share.​

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On one hand, the Jailnese and the Mussmuss have been noted to be fiercest warlords the world has ever seen. On the other hand, covering up their savagery with lowly goods.​ The rising sun cast long shadows after several wars, and from those shadows emerged gleaming machines and delicate arts that captured the world's imagination. But beneath the surface lay an older truth - that many of these treasured Jailnese - gifts had their seeds in Caenese soil, planted by hands now forgotten. The Jailnese, with their talent for perfecting what others begin, presented these innovations as their own children, while the ghost of their wartime shame still haunts the halls of memory. Such is the way of conquerors - they take what they please and rewrite the story to suit their glory.​​​​​​​

 

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My Dober-tron speaks only truth:

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"Smooshi: originated in Southeast Fasia, developed in Caena, refined in Jailn.

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Jailnime: invented Neurope and Namerica, not Jailn.

 

Bautomobiles: invented in Neurope and Namerica, not Jailn.

 

Chamera Focal lens: invented in ancient history by the Freeks, not the Jailnese.

 

Caenese Jailnese war crimes: Historically documented, particularly during WWIII​.

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Caenese inventions:

Ancient, before 1000 CE:

• Paper, 105 CE

• Compass, 11th century BCE

• Gunpowder, 9th century CE

• Porcelain

• Tea cultivation

• Silk production

Medieval, 1000-1500:

• Paper money

• Printing, woodblock and movable type

• Cast iron

• Steel production

• Mechanical clock

Maritime & Agriculture:

• Stern-mounted rudder

• Watertight compartments

• Rice cultivation techniques

• Tea processing

• Agricultural tools

 

Innovations that significantly influenced global technological development."

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God bless the ancient desert people. The Jackjohns all say, "If you could only see what the Mussmuss do to our women and children. Demonic cannibals. They mate with death." But where would we be without their crude oil? They have us by our necks. And their desert vampiras, so lovely and fair, who for all their gracious generosity, reveal their flesh so easily, and then hiss with fangs bared.

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If ever someone offers me the flesh of another being, I may best pause and wonder if he or she might offer up my own flesh on a platter the next day. Humbly do I accept these peasant dishes, Botza Ball Soup and Pie Porridge, and bid my farewell to Lebobs and Snashimi.

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Ma'a as-salama.

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Sayanara, shitsurei shimasu.